We Were Made for the Infinite.

My birthday is always very strange for me. Each year as it approaches, I get hard on myself, down that I’m never where I want to be in my life. This has been especially true of this year (today).

Yesterday, for my birthday, I went to my first open mic ever at Lighthouse Writers Lit Fest and read an opening to one of the chapters in my memoir. I thought I might chicken out and run but I didn’t. Though my voice was shaky at first I stayed and read, even receiving applause and positive accolades after. Being immersed in a community of other writers and creatives also putting themselves out there felt like a golden, vibrant energy. After it ended and I got back in my car, however, felt upset that I hadn’t spoken to anyone and made the most of the event, rolling my eyes at my own introversion.

And then I realized that perhaps for the first time in my life, and finally, I am living authentically. I am writing. Not only am I writing but I am sharing it with perfect strangers in a collective of mutually supportive, creative energy. I realized that, perhaps for the first birthday ever, I AM happy about where I am today and that creating our realities is a process- we start somewhere and this is where I’m starting. That this is part of it, the journey is the story. .

I realized that spirit, divine energy, is expansive in nature, and we will always be left wanting more, that nothing will be enough and that this is good. It allows us to continue expanding and reaching. I realized I may never really be content with where I am in my life on my birthdays, but as long as I am focused on myself, honoring myself authentically, giving of myself to others and to myself gifts I know I truly and deeply want, I am exactly where I want to be.

This piece was originally featured in a June 15, 2019 post on Instagram at @themorganmay