Coming Back To Yourself with Routine
ROUTINE. It often provides the context to our lives, the underlying current carrying us through our days, the calming dependability needed to maintain sanity in a world of chaos. Because it is usually a constant for us, be it stronger in some weeks and weaker in others, we can lose sight of the deeper purpose it provides us in our lives, the emotional and physical implications it supports us with.
I recently spent a week in Paris with my family and brought my sister back to Denver with me for a few days. As much of a treat as this experience was and as grateful as I am for it- spending time with the people I love most, in my favorite places in the world- my routine sorely suffered and it’s lacking exposed just how much I need it in my life, how much power I gain from being in it.
Being a highly sensitive person, any change to my environment, food intake, sleep and exercise schedules, etc. has dramatic effects on my mood and behavior. Three days into my trip, not adequately preparing for deviating from my routine, I became depressed, anxious, insecure, irritable, all of it. Not only this but I fell powerless to my vices, the things I destructively use to sooth emotional discomfort like food, alcohol, and men.
I woke up yesterday morning in a shame-spiral, being so hard on myself for falling back into old patterns of behavior, for letting myself get to such a point that I felt I had lost control. The truth is, we can live our lives like monks, isolating from the world, in rigid schedules, removed from all risks to our peace- or we can engage with it, we can learn from what happens in these instances to inform our self-awareness, to monitor progress we’ve made, to grow. We can accept and forgive ourselves for our humanity, and do better next time.
The best way to take our power back is through practicing self-care. I have been slowly easing back into my routine and last night, I was gentile with myself- keeping my schedule clear so I could sit with myself in stillness, in dance, in writing, in creating, in connecting, calling my energy back to me and regaining my power. It is not our transgressions that define us but how we rise again.
This piece was originally featured in a April 24, 2019 post on Instagram at @themorganmay